Pre-Halloween Festivities

Turkey Butt is a super cool Air Force Pilot. His buddies, Mutt and Jeff are a Phantom and a Storm Trooper. We went to Flushing Township Nature Park for their Halloween special. Basically we were able to hike on the shorter nature trail at dark (which TB thought was super cool enough) and they had booths set up along the way to educate the kids about animal scat, bats, spiders, snakes and other "Halloween" type things. At the end the boys all got treat bags, including tooth brushes!!!
The boys all thought it was great, even the oldest who was thoroughly bummed at first when he found out that he was only getting a bag at the end. In our group were other parents who obviously didn't get the memo and had planned on just trick or treating along the trail and had not much nice to say about the program. Their kids seemed to be enjoying themselves too, though. Unfortunately, though I am sure they will not be back for another year. Kind of sad, because the children all had fun and it was educational. Worked for me.



Didn't get too many pics because it was at night and I had 4 boys to keep an eye on by myself. Yes there is a little frog that joined us, but he was terrified by his brothers costumes and there was no way I could get him to stand next to them for the pics!!!

Oh the hypocrisy!!!

So I briefly contemplated returning to church. I even went to a new one a few weeks ago and I liked it a lot and the people. However, since then I have worked every day but two. Yes I even worked on Sundays. But you gotta do what you gotta do. My relationship with God was never ever dependent on going to church. As a matter of fact attending "church" did nothing to further it either, just made me a whole lot of disgruntled. So much so that with everything on my plate and the way I felt when I left these "churches" left me with little desire to continue seeking. I am confident with my relationship with God and spend my days to being a christian so why bother causing myself pain for the sake of appearances???

Anyway, the main reason for going to church was for TB because he really really wants to get baptized. He brought it up of his own accord and I am not going to spend the rest of this post justifying the decision to anyone.

However, here's my problem. I am fully aware that any christian (even me) can baptize my son and that it doesn't have to be in a church. BUT . . . what will happen to him way down the road when he wants to get married and stuff, will they understand it since he doesn't have a pretty little certificate from a bonafide church to back up his claim?

In my opinion they should, but hey I am also fully aware that most church going people do not feel that way. This of course, fuels my feelings of the absolute hypocrisy of many many church going people-that along with some very intolerant, cruel, judgmental and just down right crazy things from "christian leaders" that I have been reading today are really making me feel like church is just not an option for us anymore. Mostly for fear that by letting TB attend, I will be validating those very attitudes that I despise and by condoning them, he will feel it's okay to be like them.

Add to this the fact that I only want to go to church to get a happy little certificate for TB, just in case he ever needs it in the future and well it almost makes me feel like I am becoming a hypocrite myself. So I am not going to pursue it anymore. I sent a card to the church that I visited recently telling them that I liked their church but I really just don't have time to attend at this juncture, which I don't (again not going to waste my time justifying that comment either).

The crazy thing is that I think that at this church, they will understand. Too bad I hadn't gone there first.

As for the baptism, I am 100% confident that it will get done some how, some way. An opportunity always presents itself, in this I am sure.

Anyway, I gotta go, TB just told me that he wants to practice reading by reading his "God and Jesus books" . . .

We Love the Fall

Today we went to get pumpkins and run around in the corn. The best part of the whole day was the pumpkin cannons (in the excitement I forgot to take a picture). Then I played with my new leaf blower birthday present and now my arm feels like jello. All in all, one great day.

What would Jesus do?

Yeah I know, corny but hey it makes a point!!!

So do you really think that if Jesus had the choice he would stand out front of an abortion clinic, even peacefully protesting what is going on in there?

I don't think so.

Jesus would be in there, speaking to the women, sharing their hurt and their pain and their fear.

He certainly would not be standing outside condemning someone solely based on one decision that they had made in their life.

He certainly would not be intimidating and putting fear into these women's hearts.

He would be talking to them and teaching them all about the love of God. He would not be causing them to fear God even more.

Jesus would be showing them love and compassion and caring. He would teach them.

He would be leaving the judging to God.

That's what I think.

Happy Birthday to Me

Boy do I hate it when it is supposed to be about me. Terrible isn't it. All I can say is boy is it nice to be needed, but it sure as hell would be nice to be wanted once in a while.

Tiring. Well at least it's only once a year. 364 days a year it can be about everyone else and we can leave it that way-it works best that way. Sigh . . .

The Tragedy

Well, it's been a while but when you are busy for ooooh about 70 hours a week, you really gotta sleep in those last few.

So anyway, the other day was a pretty devastating day for us. One of our baby deer was hit by a car.

In case you are not sure what the heck I am talking about, we have had a momma deer raise her two babies in the backyard. They have become permanent residents ever since I put in the privacy fence and pretty much sleep here every night now. So much so that in last week's art project, TB had to draw a pic of the house and he even included the three of them in the yard.

Anyway . . .

The babies have been enjoying my crab apple tree a little too much lately and the other morning when I went out of the drive to leave for work, one was there on the side of the road "sleeping".

Unfortunately, I blurted out my surprise and TB saw it right away too.

He was sooooo bummed.

First he was mad at the driver.

Then he was mad at the deer.

Then he decided it wasn't one of "his" deer, it was someone else's.

Then he decided (since the city road crew excellently removed the baby before we returned for the day) that a vet must have picked it up and took it to it's house to be rehabbed like we did for Gracie when she was hit by a car.

So sweet. So sad. Poor TB, this kid has had more deaths in 6 years than some people have in their lives.

Ahhhh we will be okay. Just really really bummed out.

Late Labor Day fun

We had a good time.

Update on the Presidential Election Process

Well we are drawing nearer to a conclusion to the electoral process in the home.  Both candidates have lost all for legs (TB and his buddy Chopper Boy helped that process along).  The elephant, however, seems to be falling far behind.  It's hard to tell from the pic, but he has lost half of his stuffing and the prized squeakie has been removed.  Donkey is still fat and sassy, although legless.  

However, Ms. Maddie decided that it was Donkey's turn when I took the elephant away from her to take the pics, so Elephant may make a catch up here soon . . .

How appropriate . . .

Today coming home from Detroit with the Radio ADHD in full bloom while waiting for all the traffic on 75 to magically disappear I had to stop for Eminem's Lose Yourself came on.  Pretty much sums up the day I had today with the boys.

Sad sad sad.

Finally I can pick a candidate!

UPDATE: The donkey is already missing a leg and  the elephant is losing some stuffing-the squeaky is still intact though.  This is going to be a close one.

As always I am confused about who should get my vote this year.  As always, it's a matter of principles versus reality and which way should I go.  So to make things easy this year, I have my dogs to help me out.

Petco has had red, white and blue Donkey and Elephant dog toys for some time now.  They are on clearance for $1.50 right now so of course I bought them.  I joked with the cashier that why bother spending $8 or more on a toy when these will work just as well-actually they are really well made dog toys to boot.  He joked back and said it would be funny if the dogs only destroyed one rather than the other.  I said, oh not to worry my dogs are equal opportunity dog toy destroyers.

But then I thought about it some more and have decided that whichever toy last the longest will get my vote!  Rest assured, the whole process will be done well before the actual election-no need to worry that both candidates will still be standing by then!

My new trail guide.

Today Turkey Butt and I went to check out the trails at Flushing Township Nature Park.  Granted there is only 3 miles of trails, but I mowed the grass first so give me a break.

Anyway, TB decided that he wanted to learn how to use the map today so I gave him a chance.  He caught on pretty good and pretty much every time I asked, he knew where we were.

And the Jellyfish will rise . . .

I stayed home today, a combination of borderline migraine and exhaustion from working two jobs etc etc etc.  So while I was doing my best imitation of a sloth, I spotted this the National Geographic TV.  They had a special on Jellyfish.  Apparently, their numbers are exploding due to pollution, global warming, dead water and pretty much every other bad thing that we do to the environment.

They are taking over the seas.  

Let's hope my fellow jellies do not all of a sudden get brains, because then they may just figure out how to take over the world!!!

Random thoughts during my drive to Detroit this morning.

Not too many as I only had about 2 hours of sleep last night . . .

I am pretty sure that driving in the snow is better than driving through all this construction!!!

This would be a great song for Viagra or Cialis if they haven't already used it, Speaking of Barry Manilow's Trying to Find that Feeling Again  (gotta love the free XM subscription-you never know what you will hear on it!!!)

It's not a mouse . . .

Guess what I caught in my mousetrap last night.

Nope, it wasn't a mouse. . .

Nope, it wasn't a rat . . .

It was a mole.  

As far as I know, moles do not like cheese, but luckily for me they also don't know how to leap over the mouse trap that is in the way of their only escape route from behind my stove.

After a very exhaustive search of the entire foundation of the house, I have determined that the poor mole either entered the house through the front door, when I was unloading from last weekends trip or one of the dogs brought it in for a fun little fuzzy chew toy and it escaped.

Don't know, don't care.  It's gone and that is all that matters.

I knew it was weird that there was no mouse poop or torn open food in the cupboards.

Lemonade Stands

I got to tell you nothing gets me more sentimental and weepy than driving through a neighborhood and seeing some little kids out in their yards running a lemonade stand.  So far this summer I have seen 4 of them and of course I always stop.

There's just something that gets me about these things.

Like I always reply when people say I am crazy or that my job is dangerous because I visit complete strangers all over the state of Michigan all day long, the world is not quite as bad as most people make it out to be . . .

My new Kindle

If you hadn't guessed from my last post, I now have an Amazon Kindle book.  Basically I whined and whined and whined until my mother gave it and bought it for me.  I told her it was an early birthday (October) and Christmas present and that she could even throw graduation (next May) in there too.

I love this thing.  Books are way cheaper when you don't have to pay for printing, binding, shipping, etc.  Plus, they have their own wireless network on the Kindle so literally within 30 seconds you can go to Amazon.com and order something and have it downloaded.  Their Kindle library is pretty vast so finding something is not a problem.

Then yesterday was the icing on the cake.  Tor books sent a message out that I was able to download 10 of their titles for free.  Yes I know it's a marketing ploy to get me to try some new writers and get hooked, but who cares, it works for me!

So if you don't ever see me blogging again, you will know why.  The battery NEVER dies on the thing and it only takes an hour or so to re-charge if it does.

I am in heaven.

Random thoughts during my drive to Detroit this morning.

I love my Kindle.

I want to run for Congress so that I can get lifetime health care, so tired of being un-insured.

Who cut down the "These trees were illegally cut." trees?

I really love my Kindle.

Did Kwame forget to pay the electric bills?  (most of the stop lights were out or had only one bulb working)

I really really love my Kindle.

And that's about all I got today.

Super Angst

This guy is on to something.

Once again I am in trouble . . .

Here is where most of my problems lie, I have decided to forgive someone and still be friends with them and others cannot understand that.  Do you have a right to be mad at a friend for forgiving someone else?  Shouldn't you be the slightest bit grateful that one day you may make a mistake and be given the same amount of forgiveness?

That's what I am thinking.

Someone did me and TB wrong.  It stemmed from a fundamental character difference in the two of us.  It is not something that this person is actually even fully aware of, either because of that exact difference in viewpoint.  We understand and we accept that this person may see things differently than we do.  We altered our relationship so that the same things won't happen again, but we continue to be friends with this person. 

Now however, others are pretty mad at me for being nice to this person, that is something that I just don't understand.

So again, should you be mad at someone for forgiving someone else?  That just seems silly.

Instrumental Worship . . . Not for Turkey Butt

So today was the first day of VBS at the church that my babysitter attends.  She basically runs the children's program, so of course all the day care kids will be going to VBS all week.  They attend a different type of church from what we are used to, you know the kind that uses instruments and all.

TB just got home from the first day and he is miserable.  All he keeps complaining about right now is how loud and annoying the VBS was and that he has a headache.

Soooo apparently instrumental music is not his cup of tea.

Mostly he is just tired from having 2 sleep overs in a row with his buddy from around the corner and staying up til midnight for Movie in the Park on Saturday and til about 10:00 to catch fireflies last night.  Ooops, bad planning mommy.

Never say never

One of these days I will remember that.  

Anyway, for a variety of reasons I ended up starting to work back down in Detroit where I did my internship last year for school.  It's fun, it was also real nice to be back.  

I will be working with adolescents this time on part of the IOP program that they have down there.  

Yes yes yes for anyone that knows me well knows that I did say I would never never work with adolescents.

Oh well as my former field supervisor, now boss once said to me earlier this year, "It's a good thing you are flexible".

One of these days I will learn to stop saying I will never do something . . .

My best hiking buddy ever

He can walk for miles and miles and miles and not get bored, I love it!!!  He actually got mad at me when I told him we had to start heading back to the car to go home for dinner.  This is going to be great.

10 Years Ago

10 Years Ago I was married, finishing up my undergrad at Wayne State and making big plans for the future.  I was in the social sciences concentration with no particular idea of what I wanted to do next.  I was living in a 4 bedroom house that I hated cleaning and arguing with my husband about getting a smaller house so that we could get a small cottage up north and I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed every time we went camping and came home.  All in all, life was pretty good.

Then we went to a wedding on June 27th and everything changed.  The first change that I noticed was that he was holding on really tight to me when we took the group family picture.  Then he started complaining that his food wasn't quite right and he felt funny.  Then he wouldn't go back into the reception.  Then he thought that he had been poisoned by his cousin.  Then we were driving home and he told me all about this guy at work that wanted to kill him because he saw a drug deal.  Then he told me we had to leave the house, that it was no longer safe.  Then then then . . .

In the next few weeks, I received a crash course in Paranoid Schizophrenia that no 22 year old should have received.  I also learned all about dual diagnosis as he began drinking as a way of coping with his illness.  I also learned that when schizophrenic psychos are watching TV, you can never really be sure what they are seeing and that it is better to leave it off, unless you want to replace it.

One thing that I did along the way was to change my major to marketing.  I was already working in the field and I needed to get done with school asap so that I could get a real job to make up for all of his missed time.  This was the only time in my life that I had ever really settled and took the easy way out.

Today, he is gone.   Today I am finishing up my MSW and know that specifically I want to work with dual diagnosis clients.  Today I live up north in that small cottage.  It's nice and quiet and easy to maintain and my son can enjoy playing in the creek, chasing the deer and catching the frogs.  Today, we are good.

How did all this goodness happen-only by the grace of God.

Compassion cannot be found in isolation

If you raise your child to only listen to Christian music, attend only Christian schools, hang out only with Christians and do only Christian things-when do you teach them compassion?  How do they learn understanding, acceptance and forgiveness?

Is it on a mission trip to some far distant land, where the distinctions between us and them are clear and concise?  Is it by feeding the homeless where again it's pretty easy to see that "they" are hurting?

And even scarier, what happens when these children are all grown up and make some mistakes?  Will this faith based on compassion for only those that are way different be enough to get them through it?  After all, their mistakes might not actually take them into the far reaches of central and south America or make them homeless in Detroit.  

What happens when the child grows up and for a moment becomes one of those other people that we don't talk about?  Will their faith be strong enough to bring them back?

Can you be a Social Worker and a Christian?

A while back when I was interviewing for my second year placement it was brought up that I was a Christian.  The woman interviewing me took the conversation "off the record" and asked me what I thought about working in the secular world while being a Christian.  I told her it was frustrating when I was at church and she couldn't agree with me more.  We talked about the awkward stares and downright judgemental comments that we receive when we speak about what we do to good christian folk.  The "how can you work with THOSE people" and "oh that must be HARD" and "THOSE PEOPLE just don't get it" kind of comments that constantly make my heart sink.  

On the other hand, in the few cases that clients have found out about it, they are usually happy and even go so far as say that this was the first time a Christian treated them decently.  Most of the time it's the "spiritual but not religious" folks that have been burned by well intentioned Christians for far too long.

We also both agreed in the end, that no matter what other Christians may think, we wouldn't be anywhere else, that we love our clients and that the key values and ethical standards that drive us as social workers are VERY christian indeed.

So for those of you that have not had a chance to check out the NASW Code of Ethics.

Here's a peak at some of my favorites and you tell me what you think . . . . . . call me crazy but I think the biggest hang up is on the whole non-judgemental theory and allowing the client to ultimately make their own choices in life.  Being there without being in control is really hard to do.

Potter Park Zoo and T-Ball

Joey's first hit.

Out in the field.

The pre-game excitement.

Three little monkeys playing at the zoo.

Here the boys are again . . .

My little lemur.

Help Wanted . . .

OK so since the dealer wouldn't give me what I wanted for trade-in (they were about $800 off).  I decided to sell my car out right.  Not thinking I put it on Craig's List yesterday without even preparing/cleaning it.  Now I got tons of emails from people that want to see it.  Because of my schedule, they are all being pushy and then two people had the nerve to not show after I made special arrangements with them.  This is a HUGE pain in the you know what and one of those cases where if anyone volunteered I would be more than happy for the help, grrrrr.

Incidentally I even told my friend that she could buy it for what I owe after she sells her truck.  They need it and would greatly benefit from it and it's not like I really NEED a new car right now.  I just want one.  As long I get a new car before I graduate next year, I will be fine.   

Big huge sigh, I don't even want to check my email anymore.

Home Town No More

How sad . . .

No More Electric House

So electrician guy was here half the day yesterday trying to determine the source of the electric. 

 What he found out was that it was in the heat ducts as well and basically every metal object in the house was "charged".  

Finally after working and moving things he managed to get the house to a point where it would not read anything anymore.  Then he put everything back together and still no reading.  

I think we are good now, we shall see . . .

I think my house was just trying to tell me that I needed some electro-shock therapy or something.  

Turkey Butt's First Double & the Electric House

So I have been a little bit behind on anything that requires electric this week.  My house is electrically charged right now, thanks to the previous tenant who is hereby official called The Moron.  He used 1 1/2" nails to put up the siding and somewhere along the way must have caught one of the electric wires because the house is "charged up" anywhere there is metal.  So I have to wait for electrician guy to come back on Saturday and re-wire everything one by one until he can find the bad wire (it's the only way he can think to fix the problem short of tearing all the siding off).  In the meantime I have to be careful which plugs I use because we can't be certain which one's are affected.

On a slightly more humorous note, can you guess how many times I kept touching the door to see if I would still get shocked after detecting the initial problem.  Seriously, sometimes I am worse than a child when it comes to not touching things that will do bodily harm.  But I just HAD TO keep testing it!!!

On a positive note:  TB had his first T-Ball practice today and got his first double.  Of course I was proud and so was he.

TB & MB

Turkey Butt's little buddy Monkey Boy came to stay with us for the weekend.  They are having tons of fun so far.  Me, I am just slaving away in the yard moving a bunch of rocks and maybe making a little garden (I still haven't fully committed to it yet).

The new light, the present and the neighbor guy's new name.

So neighbor guy came over and put up the security light in the back of the house yesterday.  Boy is it bright!  It has two settings, one mild setting if it senses something far away and then another brighten up the whole back yard and scare anyone away if you come to close setting.  So all is well, especially considering that ever since I moved the dogs away from Harley man and his queens, the gnomes have coincidentally left.

Anyway, so when neighbor guy finished he left me a note on the front door telling me that if I had any questions to call him and signed it Anytime Mike.  So of course, as I was storing his phone number into my phone I had to save it as Anytime Mike.  He will probably kill me and never ever help me again if he finds out, but what they heck, he did it to himself . . .

So that left me with one last thing to do, figure out an appropriate thank you for Anytime Mike.  I have only talked to him 3 times and it was all about my light etc so I had no idea if he would appreciate his favorite beverage (the typical thank you for most of my family) if he even had one, and he did mention a girlfriend in passing so cooking him dinner would not be appropriate.  In the end I decided to get him a gift certificate to BD's Mongolian Barbecue.  He was happy, it worked for me.

I am just mostly happy that he appointed his own nickname, because sometimes it's so hard to come up with them.

Not a good week for cats.

As I was checking out the news this morning I first came upon a story of a kitten being rescued from a very bad experience with a microwave.  Poor Stouffer, she gets stuck with a humiliating name based on an experience that happened when she was just a child . . .

Then I saw this one.  All I thought, was oh how cute and funny.  The firemen rescued the cat from the tree.  It was a refreshing thing to see after all the politics, war, and economic news stories.  It was a cute, funny feel good kind of story that you don't see too often in the news anymore.

Then I read the comments section . . . apparently I am not in the majority in my thinking that sometimes life gets a little too serious and a happy feel good story is refreshing.

Although I do gotta say that I love the comment about the skeletons.

The Gnomes have gone.

I know I failed to update but last week was really busy and I wasn't online all that much.  Anyway, so the weird happenings around here continued.  Finally I started noticing that they were happening even when I was home.  Most prominent was someone taking the dog tie outs and dragging them as far away from the door as they possibly could and sometimes even wrapping them around the pole on the other side of the yard.  Again, I was getting really creeped out by it all, whoever it was was coming right up to my house to do these things.  A friend of mine decided that it had to have been gnomes and that I should leave out milk for them according to some tradition.  I didn't do that because it would have attracted Bob.  

In the meantime I talked to next door neighbor guy again and he said he would keep on watching.  His wife and grown daughter living with him would not say a word and had a pretty nice glare for me the whole time I was over there.

Anyway, I talked to the two neighbor guys across the street and we all agreed that I needed a light in the backyard and that they would install.  So landlord okay's the purchase and we got that done.  We also, well they agreed that I should also tell the police just in case it was not indeed next door neighbor guy's wife and daughter like we suspected.  I did.  That all went well, they drive by all the time now and basically said even if it is the neighbors they still want to keep and eye on my house given that I am a social worker and work with the population I do in the areas that I do.  I was fine with that, at least they didn't get on my case for not being more cautious and safe.

So finally Dad comes out here Friday and we move the dog runs to the side of the house by the patio.  Two reasons, one I think the neighbors were messing with me and didn't want the dogs in the back yard by there house and two the patio's over there and it was silly having the dogs in the back when I was always out on the patio.

Anyway, day 4 of moving the dogs and not one thing has happened since.  I am pretty sure it was the neighbor "ladies" at this point-but oh well what are you gonna do???

End of the Year Programs

Thursday was Turkey Butt's end of the year program at school.  I would have posted pictures etc but it was not exactly a joyous occasion, but rather a chore that had to be done and now he is glad it's over.

All week long he kept saying that he didn't want to do it.  This is par for the course, TB is in no way a performer.  I definitely do not see any American Idol auditions in his future.  I made him do it anyway and I am not sure that was for the best, but he muddled through it and it's done.

Basically they had 100 kindergartners up there on the big stage in the high school auditorium that was jam packed for 45 minutes under those blaring stage lights singing.  It was very much an exercise is excess.  None of the 5 and 6 year old's sang for the whole entire time and about halfway through they all started getting fidgety and wanted to leave.  Once a kid got off the stage and started running around.  The teacher tried to reign him in but he kept it up until she put him in timeout and finally the mom came up and got him off the stage.

After that it was downhill.  TB and another child started crying and proceeded to cry for the entire 20 minutes til the end of the show.  He wanted to be done, he wanted it to be over.  He never got off the stage or ran from it, rather he just sat there absolutely miserable and cried until it was over.

It was heartbreaking.  I wanted to go up there and get him off that stage and tell the teacher that this was too much for him, but I didn't.  The worse part was that he was in the end row standing right next to the teacher crying his heart out and she did nothing.  When I couldn't find him after the show I mentioned it to her and she blew me off with a comment that he was probably just "hot".

So anyway I was off to the choir room to get him as soon as it was over because I knew he had had too much.  Finally found him (that's another story) and we got his pictures that he had made (and was intensely proud of) and left.  In the car he was bragging about the pictures he had made and the shirt he had made and at the same time apologizing for crying.  I told him no big deal, I was proud of him for getting through it.  At that point he matter of factly said, "I NEVER want to do that again".  I said ok.

Here's where I have takes some flak.  A couple of parents have insisted that he must go through this stuff, because isn't it cute and special and all of that.  A couple of others said, he's tried it, he doesn't like it, don't make him do it unless he wants to.  My vote's for the second camp of course.

No, I am not worried about missing out on these "special" moments.  We have plenty of "special" moments of our own and our happy memories can be built around them.  I know my son well enough to know what he enjoys and what he does not, and I am not going to force him into something he does not enjoy.  To me, his ability to say to me that he does not want to do something and tell me why is way more important than actually doing it.  Yes sometimes he had to learn that he has to do it whether he likes it or not, but a school musical is not one of those times.

On a side note, I remember back to when I was in elementary school this stuff was not mandatory or the teachers would hand pick the students based on their personalities to do different jobs.  Back then, TB would probably have been signaled out to be the "prop man" or something .  Back then, it was more about the child than about the program.

Fuzzy has hatched!!!!

I had been checking on him the last few days and noticed that his cocoon was getting thinner on the top.  This morning Turkey Butt wanted to look at him and look what we found.  Fuzzy is now a moth.  We took the lid off of the container and took him outside underneath the picnic table.  I am not sure what he needs to eat but I imagine he will be hungry after the transformation.  You can tell that he is still damp from coming out of the cocoon, so I imagine he will wait til his wings are dry and then take off.  Hopefully we are done with the rain.

He's the yellowish looking thing in the corner.

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's Day has  been great.  No, we didn't go to church-just finished with that.  Instead here's what we did.

I was woke up by TB yelling at Tic not to eat that as he walked into my bedroom with breakfast in bed.  I got cereal and strawberry milk (pink milk because it's mother's day and you wear pink lots mom) AND some chocolate chip cookies waiting to surprise me in the bottom of my bowl of cinnamon toast crunch.  TB carried it in on a cookie sheet that he dug out of the cupboards and apologized that he had to give me the milk because he didn't know how to make coffee (he knows me well!!!)

Anyway, after that I got my present.  Yesterday I had given the babysitter some money to take him up to main street to get me something for mother's day.  I actually gave her money a $20 for a present and then another $20 so that TB, her and her friend could go to the gas station and get pop and snacks or whatever.  There's not much up there so I just assumed I would get a card or something silly from Hallmark or something.  Instead she took him to a woman's spa place and got me a gift certificate for a one hour massage-YEAH.  I have never had a massage before, this should be really cool.

TB also told me repeatedly that he loved me.  He also told me that he would never ever forget me, even when he gets grown up or if I died (I think we have had a few too many deaths in the family in the 6 year old's life).

All in all it was a very nice Mother's Day.  I even called my mother and we talked for about 30 minutes.  I am pretty sure that she believed me when I told her I sounded funny saying happy mother's day because I had a mouthful of coffee and she answered the phone before I could swallow and not because there was some deep seeded ulterior motive to it.

Stimulating the economy and mother's day presents all in one.

Yes I am doing my part for the economy by spending my economic stimulus check on myself, it is mother's day weekend after all.  Well I spent about $225 of it on myself, filled up my car, got an oil change and paid the colossal 3 month Consumer's Energy bill (thanks again for the screw up Consumer's!) with the rest.  Hey, I thought the plan WASN'T for the oil companies to prosper from it, weird how that worked out, huh

So anyway, on to the good stuff, what I bought myself.  I got a new weed whacker (trimmer for you more sophisticated folks).  I have always used electric ones because the gas were always too heavy and too big.  When the weed whacker is taller than you, it sometimes creates a problem.  

So anyway, I found a really nice gas powered super lite jobby at Home Depot for like $70.  We'll see how long it lasts but it's cool so far.  It was either that or spend $100 on a rechargeable one or $30 on an electric one and then another $60 on enough extension cord to go with the yard.  Another new and exciting feature for weed whackers in my world is the automatic feeder feature.  Apparently there will be no more bumping for me.  Call me skeptical but I envision taking the feeder apart A LOT this summer because the automatic feeder will be sleeping on the job (this says nothing about my weed whacking ability, I am sure).

The other purchase was a gas grill.  Call me sexist but I have always and still do consider grilling a man's job.  That coupled with my insane fear that I will blow myself up has always kept me from getting my own grill.  The grill is pretty cool, it only took me a little over an hour to put it together and wouldn't you know it, it lit on the first try, WITH the ignitor I might add.  I broke it in with a New York Strip today and so far so good, I still have all my digits and extremities.  

So there, I did my part to stimulate the economy.

Weird happenings in the fish bowl.

OK so ever since the old lady with the barking lab neighbor said that she saw "prowlers" in her back yard weird things have been happening around here.  Not big noticeable things but weird little things.

Like, someone cut the plants that were growing in the front flower beds.  Yes cut, no animal could make them that even and the clippings were left behind.

Like, sometimes when I go to let the dogs out the lead attached to Tic's cable are pulled all the way to the other side of the 50' run (ummm they are right there at the door when I let them in and the whole philosophy is that they will be there when I let them out again)

Like, the other cable run is wound up and shoved under the brace on the other pole until I figure out what to do with it so that I won't hit it with my mower and now all of a sudden it is stretched out and laying in the yard.

Like I said weird weird weird.  TB has been questioned sufficiently and let off the hook for these strange occurrences.

Anyway, so last night I heard a weird noise and so did Maddie and Tic.  Then we heard it again, right outside the living room window.

After standing in the living room staring at the window and having creepy neighbor guy flashbacks for a few minutes, I went to look out and didn't see anything.  Maddie and Tic also resumed their night night positions and didn't seem to be really worried so I read for a little while and went to bed.

This morning I went out and checked it out and it was just that the trash can was knocked over and then rolled down the hill-probably Bob.

So now I am trying to find out if I should worry or not.

Weird little things kept happening right before the creepy neighbor guy experience, like the window in TB's room being open, the gate being open when I came home from work and Sporty's collar turning up missing.  

Well, at least in this house it's a bit more of a pain in the butt to break in (I've had to do it twice now to get the keys out).  But again, I am on a slab with windows that are conveniently easy to climb through.

Hmmmm, there's not really much I can do about it and my short term memory will make me soon forget until the next weird thing happens so oh well, we shall see how this plays out.  Hopefully it won't end with someone trying to crawl through the window while the dog is sleeping soundly on the couch.  I am banking on Tic's non-stop barking to bail me out.

The new internship has been finalized and the fall schedule is done.,

I know two posts in one day, but what the hey, it's raining so no work today.

So I finalized the field placement today.  It's at and agency in Flint that works with severe mental health clients (consumers is their preferred term).  In this day and age when everyone is mentally ill, there is now a distinction between severe mental illness and mental illness (I love it).  Severe mental illness would be clients with a dx of a form of schizophrenia, bi-polar and personality disorders.  

The clinic uses the ACT approach which is great and I will discuss more later.  Basically the clinic has a team of case managers (how awesome is that, no more case management for me!!!), therapists, psychiatric nurses and psychiatrists that work with the clients that would formerly be institutionalized to keep them functioning as well as possible in society.  Most work is done with the clients (consumers) and their families (if they have any left) in their homes.  The only time they come to the office is for group and to meet with the shrink.

I will be an additional dual diagnosis therapist since the current one is overburdened.  Fun fun fun.  Over the summer I do have some reading to do on personality disorders, and maybe a little on the other two but I am pretty well versed in those :) 

I opted for a 3 day placement so that I can cut down on driving to Detroit for classes by using more credits for internship, so I now only have one elective to take along with my theory classes.  I decided to go with conflict resolution (because it is 100% online).

Financial aide is the only worry I have at this point.  I only have til April to be done and hopefully I can get through these last two semesters, because of course I am taking more credits than any other semester too.  Having a 3 day internship is going to cut down on working time unless I work/attend class 7 days a week.  YIKES, this is going to be interesting.

I have been sidelined.

Play Station play has been interrupted due to the dislocated thumb once again.  No I didn't dislocate playing PS-it's been that way for a long time.  But playing too much PS tends to get it in the habit of popping out over and over again.  Then I am forced to stop playing for a while so that it can remember where it belongs.

TB gets to hone his Star Wars Legos skills while I get to watch, wah!!!!  We are 85% done, this could not have come at a worse time.

Grrr, this coupled with a lack of funds to buy a new book from Amazon has made me a very cranky jellyfish.  All I have left to do is stupid stuff like clean the house and laundry.

Ooooh I just had a thought.  I believe that the if I had a Wii I would not have this problem because I would be using more than just my hands to play.  Hmmmmmm.  Now how do I get the money for THAT?

Living across from the cemetery

OK when we moved into this house several people commented on the fact that it was across from the cemetery.  I told them, no big deal it will be nice and quiet.

Little did I realize how much cemetery people work and how early they work.  

Most mornings I get woke up by the sound of heavy machinery doing something over there.  

Seems like they are always out there digging new holes or cutting the grass or something. 

Whatever they are doing, it's always busy over there.

Silly me, I always thought that cemeteries were places for eternal rest . . . guess you gotta be dead to rest there.

Sunday is my least favorite day of the week.

It never fails, no matter how great I am feeling or how great the week has been, Sunday kills it for me.  Sunday morning at church to be exact.

You know they say the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, and that is what I feel like on Sundays.

No, it's not because I am some big sinner and am full of remorse or anything like that.

Quite the opposite actually in my case and I am sure that I am going to lose some people here, but what they heck.  

I have a problem going there week after week and hearing how things are supposed to be.  For me, it's pretty much common sense.  I was born that way, it's just in me to be the way that "good Christians" are supposed to be.  

It's always been a struggle for me too.  

Growing up the way I did, I was always the outcast, the black sheep, the crazy one, the goody goody, the whatever.

That's what lead me to the church too.  The fact that I had two choices, toxic relationships or no relationships.  I prayed and prayed for an answer, everyone I met assumed that I went to church but after growing up in a family of religious martyr's that thought God was punishing us all the time, and being married into the good Catholic family and being exorcised by the crazy drunken religious zealots, there was no way in you know what I was going to go to church.

So I prayed and prayed and asked God to tell me where to go.  I had no idea where to go, I just wanted to go somewhere that people believed the same things as I did.  He told me to go to coc, well specifically TCOC, but since I don't live even remotely close to there anymore we will just assume that a substitute will be fine.

So I attended and I read the Bible.  For me, reading the Bible was so refreshing, it was kind of like, see I knew I wasn't crazy after all.  It was validation that I really was a good person and I was doing the right things.  And of course, I got baptized (again).  I had long ago realized that my original baptism was a sham and a nice little ceremony at best.  So when I actually read about why I should get baptized, well I knew that I needed to and did it (probably one of the easiest "conversions" ever).

But other than that, I can't really say that I have gotten much out of church other than a whole lot of miserable feelings.  Sure in the beginning it was great, having that weekly validation that I was not crazy always made me feel better.

Now all it does is make me feel like a freak again.

Part of it is because it is so natural for me to be this way, it's hard for me to understand why others struggle and have to make a real effort to be this way, especially if they have been in church their whole lives.

But I know a lot of that is because church like it is now is not like it was when they were growing up.  It's hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that not everyone understands or sees things the way I do, so I get frustrated.  It's like the same message keeps getting repeated over and over again and that really just frustrates the crap out of me.  

Another part of it is that I never really fit in at church.  Yes I have met some really nice people along the way and one really good friend (well two if you count her husband)-but I met them on blogger not at church so I don't know if that really counts even though we did go to the same church.  I am not going to get into all of the things that happened and efforts that were made to justify myself, it's enough to say that if I was my therapist, I would be more than ecstatic with the amount of effort and open-mindedness and patience and forgiveness and tolerance that I put into it.

That's the biggest problem for me.  I don't fit in and well that just hurts.  It hurts to see everyone around so happy and friendly and for some reason then there's just me.  SOMETHING always gets in the way of me fitting in and have that "church family thing" that everyone talks about.  It's actually laughable how many different "things" have gotten in the way, almost like someone was working darn hard to make it not happen.  And then hearing about how that is the only way that it can be done and that you have to have that to succeed, well that really really makes me angry.  My relationship with God does not hinge on how well I get along with a bunch of people that basically label themselves a certain way.  He's not going to love me any less because "His people" don't.  And not fitting in there, isn't going to make me love Him any less either.  It just doesn't work that way, sorry.

Now I am almost to the point where I don't care anymore about church.  Not the people, but the actual "church" idea.  Part of it is do I really want to go through this again, because you know when you meet new people, they have this crazy tendency to assume lots of things and then you have to spend a lot of time justifying and clearing up things.  Trust me, it took a LONG time to clear up the whole, my ex is sick-oh wait no I didn't leave him because he had cancer thing and I am still not sure if I cleared that one up!  I could go on and on about well intentioned Christians, assuming that they know what I am talking about and being COMPLETELY wrong.

And no, for the record it is not a whole jaded, hurt too many times to trust people thing either.  Really if you took the time to know, you would be telling me what a forest of olive branches I have just like said friend did just the other day when I told her I just hand out yet another one.  But hey that's just another example of the whole assuming that you know my story and how I feel without actually asking the questions that people are guilty of on a daily basis, in church and just in life in general.  The bottom line is that I am just not normal and if you assume that I am going to react in a manner similar to you, you will probably be wrong and I will get frustrated as usual.

Do I really want to invest all that time and effort into building new relationships at church?  Especially when as I said before, something always seems to get in the way.  It seems to me that in the grand scheme of things 6 7/8 days out of the week I am just fine and happy, but when I go to church I leave feeling like a big pile of crap and that I don't think that is how it's supposed to work.  Especially since I don't have this particular problem anywhere else in my life, just at church.

I just don't know . . . all I know is that I was told to go and I hate going anymore and I hate the idea of becoming a martyr even more, and that is what I feel like I am becoming.  

When you willingly go into something knowing that you are going to get hurt, you no longer have the right to call yourself a victim.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Asking for help.

UPDATE:  So this morning I had to mow the grass.  When I went out there, the neighbor was already on his riding lawn mower mowing part of my front yard.  He asked me if I minded doing the trimming around the utility pole, street sign, etc for him.  Told him not a problem, works for me.  

See, I can ACCEPT help, I just can't ASK for help :)

Not one of my strengths, not by a long shot.

I take comfort in the fact that I can do most anything that I need to, my parents raised me to be a very self sufficient person.

Typical requests for help usually fall into the realm of "I just am not physically capable of doing it myself".  I am after all-a girl.  

No there is no feminist reasoning behind my not wanting to ask for help.  It's not about conquering the world or proving that I am just as good as anyone.

Mostly it's just not something I think about.  I just do what needs to be done in the most efficient way possible and then move on.

Like I said before the roadblock usually comes when it's something heavy and sometimes when I just don't have the appropriate tools for the job.  Tools are expensive and well since I have to re-buy them all, this happens more often now than before.

So, on to the story.  There is this very nice older gentleman at the new church that asks me every Sunday morning that he sees me if I need anything, anything at all, he even specifically mentioned that if I needed help with "household" type stuff that could be arranged a few times too.  So the other week, I decided to take him up on the offer.

I have no fence here (the one and only thing I do not like about the new place) so I had to figure out what to do with the dogs.  When it got warm, I bought the cable trolley thingys for them so that they could run around and not get all tangled up in their tie outs.  My dad and uncle came up to install them because they had the post hole digger and the drill.  I bought 2 10 foot 4x4 poles and had them put those on one end and hook the other end to the house.

On the day that we met Bob, Maddie managed to pull her's out of the house.  Basically it's a big eye bolt that needs to be put back into the house.  No, I can't just screw it back into the original hole, that has been stripped by her pulling it out.  No, I can't just muscle a new hole into the wall.  No, I don't have a drill to make a new hole.  No, my dad is not going to want to spend $50 on gas to drive up here and fix it for me.

So I asked for help.  

Two days later, the nice guy from church called me to get a clearer understanding of what was needed.  I explained it to him, all the while listening to him tell me what a simple problem it was and how easy it was to accomplish and how I could probably just do it myself.  I kept trying to explain to him that I knew what needed to be done, but alas, I could not do it myself.  After listening to him argue with me for about 5 minutes about what a simple thing it was, I finally said never mind, I'll take care of it myself.  Then he got all hurt feelings and stuff and said are you sure you can do it.  I told him honestly, no-but I'll figure something else out.

Poor guy, asking for help is huge for me and if I am going to have to spend a lot of times justifying why I need to ask for help, I will just change my mind and figure something else out.  He had no idea.  How was he to know that I would run through every possible option in my head and justify it over and over before I even asked and then decide that maybe just this once I would do what I am supposed to be able to do and ask for help???

So anyway, instead of buying a drill and making a new hole, what I have decided is that if I get a slightly thicker eye bolt and use the existing hole, I should be able to screw it in myself with the aide of a screwdriver/fulcrum thus re-drilling the existing hole with the larger threads.   That is "if" my uncle actually hit the stud when he drilled the original hole.  If not, I see a new drill purchase in my future.

Wow, when I was looking up the link to Petco I just realized that they have 100 ft ones available online.  Hmmm, maybe I should get those, pull the poles out and move them and re-do the whole thing.  Then the dogs could run the whole length of the back yard.  After all, one of the poles is leaning A LOT already (again, we are NOT going to go into the reasons why).  Now I am gonna need a post hole digger and a drill.  Cool!

To all those I left behind, I am sorry.

I am sorry that you felt that letting go was a sign of not caring.

I am sorry that you felt that walking away rather than fighting a losing battle meant that I didn't care.

I am sorry that you felt that walking away was a sign of weakness, rather than a sign of strength.

I am sorry that you felt that I didn't love myself because I chose the path of peace and serenity rather than the path of hostility.

I am sorry that you cannot understand how God works in your life.

I am sorry that you never realized that life is not as complicated as you make it out to be.

I am sorry that you felt that my trust in God meant that I didn't trust you.

I am sorry that you thought my "out of the box" thinking meant you had to "get me back in line".

I am sorry that money, big houses and nice cars was never as important to me as it was to you.

I am sorry that when things didn't work out for you, that you constantly felt the need to attack me and my happiness.

I am sorry that I never felt like I needed to be "fixed".

I am sorry that liking my job made you resentful.

I am sorry that liking my life made you resentful.

I am sorry that my confidence made you feel week.

I am sorry that my hopefulness made you feel helpless.

I am sorry that you never believed that I liked you despite what you didn't like about yourself.

I am sorry that you couldn't love yourself half as much as I loved you.

I am sorry that you never realized that I wasn't the one creating the "expectations".

I am sorry that I never had to have all the answers and could be flexible.

I am sorry you felt that you had to be perfect to be with me, it was never my requirement, only yours.

I am sorry that my smile made you angry.

I am sorry that you were jealous.  I tried as hard as I could to not make you feel that way but it happened and there was nothing I could do about it-I can only be me.

I am sorry that I couldn't celebrate the good in my life with you.

I am sorry that I couldn't be the everything you expected me to be, it's just too much pressure.

I am sorry that you never believed you could have more than one good thing in your life.

I am sorry that I never bought into the martyrdom that you were selling.

I am sorry that it scared you that I kept trying new things.  Disappointment only lasts a minute, regret lasts a lifetime.

I am sorry that you felt that my ability to take care of myself, meant I didn't need you.

I am sorry that I am just not needy.

I am sorry that if any of you read this that you will automatically assume it's about you, even though it may not be.

What I am not sorry for however is that I do love my God and myself and my life.  I am not sorry that I am happy and having lots of fun and enjoying myself.

I am sorry that I had to move so far away to be able to openly do these things.  I no longer have to hide my joy and happiness.

The Neighbor's Cat

OK so let me tell you right now that yes I am an animal rescuer and yes I do love animals.  Bob however, is another story.

Bob is the neighbor's cat.  He's a big orange cat and he has decided that my yard is now his.

  

• He knows exactly how long the dogs leashes are (well except that one time when Maddie surprised him because I had lengthened her leash).  
  
• He knows that Tic is a big sissy and that little girl Maddie on the other hand should be avoided at all costs.
• He knows that if he arches his back and hisses, Tic will stand still and point.
• He knows that if he lays on the patio, the dogs will have a great view of him through the patio door wall but they can't get him.
• He knows that he can sit out the window and hiss at them and they can't get him.  
• Ditto for the front door.

All in all Bob is a pain in the butt.  I was speaking with the neighbors about it, but all they did was complain that my dogs bark a lot when I am gone during the day.

Hmmmmmm, I wonder what they are barking at?

Anyone want to come "rescue" the poor "stray" cat?  I wouldn't be 100% opposed to it, not at all.

Have you ever had your utilities shut off?

It's happened to me twice now up here.  Neither time was it my fault. 

Back in March, Consumers decided that they needed to shut off my gas and electric and after me and my landlord argued with them for three days they finally realized that I did indeed fax in the paperwork in February, their customer service department just forgot to process it.  I had to prove to them that I was in no way related to the previous tenant because he left them with a bill for over $1500.  For some reason, me telling them that I had not gotten a bill from them yet and in no way could be behind never really sunk in with the CSR's there.

Today the city came out and shut my water off.  Again, I never actually have received a bill from them yet.  So I called.  This time, it was because the next door neighbor has not paid them, not me.  The guys stopped in front of the wrong house.  No big deal, within 15 minutes they were out here apologizing  and turning it back on.

Now, my question is . . . how on earth could the previous tenant live here for a year without paying anyone and not getting anything shut off, but I live here for 2 1/2 months and everything has been shut off once for someone else's lack of payment?

Crazy.

A Rescue Friend . . . cyber friends

Another of my rescue friends passed away yesterday.  It is sad, but again I am reminded of the difference between online friends and living, breathing flesh friends.  

It's weird, I have known her and her sister both for years online doing rescue, but I don't really know her at all.  Should I even dare call her a friend then?  

Now I am wondering once again if all the internet chats and blogs and text messages and emails and im's are worth it?  Are they bringing our world closer together?  Or, are they increasing the distance between us?  Can internet friends be considered real?

You have to hide your identity on the internet to keep it safe.  You can be whoever you want on the internet because these people will never know the real you and will never be able to hold you accountable if you lie.  You never will have to confess your secrets to these friends because they will never know if you don't.

On the other hand, it's so much easier to tell the truth through a keyboard.  There is no face to face eye contact and if you are rejected you can always pretend they didn't get it.

I am concerned because our youth are so heavily dependent on this form of networking that sometimes I wonder if they will ever know what it's like to give a supportive hug of encouragement, stand up for themselves and face their foes and just plain old make eye contact and be real with someone.  Will they lose themselves to the cyber reality that they have created for themselves? 

There's a mouse in my house, I hope . . .

OK so if it's a mouse I will be so relieved.  I was just sitting here and heard noises in the kitchen and thought Turkey Butt had gotten out of bed.  When he didn't answer I went to check out the situation.  No it wasn't him, but something is having a party in my cupboard under the sink.

A very LOUD party.  

I hope it's just a mouse or two.  Since we live near the creek, a rat wouldn't be out of the question.  YUCK!

I am not afraid of mice but the thought of a rat makes me cringe.  Even worse, the thought of a rat trap makes me shiver.  

This from the girl that envisions the mouse trap snapping her finger off as she sets it.  

This from the girl that thinks that maybe the mouse is just playing dead when it's on the trap and the minute I touch it, it will wake up.

This from the girl that is CONVINCED that the spiders she smooshes will wake up, unravel themselves from the toilet paper, crawl out of the toilet bowl and bite her in revenge the next time she uses the bathroom.  HEY, it could happen.

Yes, my over active imagination gets the best of me when it comes to killing undesirables.  I never really believe they are truly dead.

Grrrrr, at least now I am fairly sure that the dogs were not barking at the "prowler" that the neighbors have all been talking about last night.  In all likelihood they were barking at the uninvited guests that like to throw nightly parties in the cupboard.

No words today.

I Love my Bike.

While I do miss not having the miles and miles and miles of Metropark bike trails to ride on that we use to have.  Flushing does have a little one and it is really pretty and full of interesting people to meet.

Last fall I got the new bike from a friend's bike shop.  I told him that I wanted to be comfortable and I didn't really care what I looked like.  He delivered.  I can ride 5 miles or 25 and not feel a thing on this bike and I love it.  A few of my more appearance conscious friends said I looked like well, a dork on my bike.  Apparently even if you are only riding around town or on the little metro park trails with your 6 year old you are still supposed to have the ultra cool mountain bikes or something else that looks really awesome and is probably very uncomfortable.

Well, said friends haven't seen the latest addition to my bike thanks to Turkey Butt.  Last December I bought the basket and the flowers and had my aunts "secretly" help TB glue it all together and "surprise" me for Christmas.  Here is the result . . . somehow I can't figure out why the 13 year old babysitter no longer wants to borrow my bike when she's watching TB on Saturdays.

Meet Fuzzy

He's a Wooly Bear Caterpillar (I think).  Turkey Butt and his friend Monkey Boy found him.  I put him in a tupperware container and left him outside for a few days forgetting all about him.  Then TB reminded me so we brought him in the house and I did some research, got him a bigger container, took some moss from outside for the bottom and some dried up leaves to make a nice cozy home for him.  Then we bought him some fresh dandelions from Meijer's.  Then we forgot about him again.  Today we decided to check him out and either he's dead and rotting or he has turned into a cocoon, I am not entirely sure.  I took his picture and put him back on the shelf where I am sure we will forget about him again for a bit.  Hopefully in a while he will turn into a moth and we can set him free again.